Sunday, June 8, 2008

Wherein we comment on weddings and ladies fashions

Family Mojo went to a wedding this weekend in Another Great Southwest City. And when I say "family" I mean the majority of furless uprights: The Mojo Bison, Mrs. Mojo, The Wee One, The Cap'n (aka Brother of Mojo), Tantan (Cap'n's wife), and the Parental Ones (aka Noni and Granddad). It was Wee One's first major road trip and she handled it with aplomb.

The wedding was lovely, held in a high-rise venue with absolutely stunning views. The bride was beamingly beautiful --and June was bustin' out all over, if one follows my meaning. And that brings me to my point about ladies fashions. I must be old-fashioned. The bride certainly pulled off wearing that dress --she had the bod for it, and more power to her for affirming her body image. Still, I had some reservations about a sleeveless mermaid gown that required major scaffolding to hold up. Not that the bride was the only one. Maybe it's a function of this particular city, but there were an abundance of blondes wearing sleeveless low-cut dresses wherein June was bustin' out all over.

And a fashion note: ladies, if you're going to prance around wearing heels higher than 3 1/2", you need to practice extensively so that you look natural and feminine. (Random aside: all power to The Manolo!) When I see an otherwise stunning woman wearing 4 1/2" stilettos and walking like a 13-year old with her first set of skyscrapers, it ruins the vision. Plus it cuts down on the amount of Boogie-Down she can throw on the dance floor. So ladies, if you insist on heels, channel your inner SJP and work it until it looks like you're not working at all.

(And don't get me started on Whatever Happened To Hosiery?)


UPDATE: I'm being negligent, I didn't go after the men! Gentlemen: I don't care that it is the Great Southwest in high summer, you wear a jacket to a wedding unless it's on the beach, and even then, a smart blue blazer or white linen jacket wouldn't kill you. You don't have to wear it at all times, but at least keep it handy. (They invented seersucker for a reason in this part of the world.) Also, a shoe shine wouldn't kill you now and again. If a shine stand is nowhere to be found, a bit of mild hand soap will get off the dirt from leather, and you grab a small dab of moisturizer from your wife/girlfriend/SO (or from the hotel goody bag) and work it in and give it a quick buff. Works wonders.

4 comments:

Sloth said...

where, exactly, do electric-blue suits made of fabric unknown to nature and purchased in memphis fit into this equation? ;)

Signed,
Guinea gumba wop.

The Mojo Bison said...

--says the man who once let his hair be styled like Adam
Curry
. You have no room to talk, sir.

Roy said...

there were an abundance of blondes wearing sleeveless low-cut dresses wherein June was bustin' out all over.

Scrolling up for pictures...
scrolling down for pictures...
for the love of Pete, where are the pictures?

The Mojo Bison said...

I am sooooo telling Mrs. Roy on you.....